If All High School Reading Were Thrillers
As summer comes to a close, many high school homes looks like the end of an action movie. Teens are playing beat the clock to finish the books they should have read months ago. To kids that can dive into an xBox to live out wild first person narratives, some books on the list are not up to speed. So here’s my top 10 List of how these classics can be up-graded:
1. Old Man and the Sea. The Old Man and the boy discover the unconscious floating body of super spy Jason Bourne. After dragging his body onto the boat, they help him unravel the mystery of his true identify.
2. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. From the morning fog of the Mississippi River, the submarine rises almost capsizing the raft. The hatch opens and a bearded captain asks: “Need a ride?”
“I’m your Huckleberry.”
And so begins Cpt. Nemo and Huck’s journey up the Mississippi where they torpedo boats of slave traders and smuggle slave families north. And when Jim’s former slave owner reaches the deck of the sub, Jim gets to electrocute his former master.
In the Jerry Bruckheimer movie version, Jim and Huck convince Nemo to dock the Nautlis at Memphis where the sub’s pipe organ is replaced with a Hammond B3 Organ and Leslie Speakers, and the sub's name is changed to Proud Mary.
3. Of Mice and Men. Lennie is injected with an experimental drug that makes him a phenomenal genius. George thinks his dreams are answered until he realizes how much smarter Lennie is than him. Now he’s the “Lennie.” But when side effects begin to appear, George puts his jealousy aside and helps Lennie find an antidote before Lennie’s brain is totally destroyed. A heart pounding, race against the clock novel about brothers, love, intelligence, loyalty and hope.
4. Hamlet. Hamlet doesn’t know what to do until he meets ex-con Danny Ocean. Sure, the play is the thing to catch the conscience of the king, but Danny Ocean and his crew show Hamlet how his uncle can be arrested and they can all get rich at the same time. This giant caper all hinges on Hamlet’s and Danny’s ability to break Ophelia out of the nunnery to get her to the castle in time for the play.
5. Walden (Life in the Woods). When first year lawyer David Thoreau built his cabin on a lot with a great pond, he thought he had it made. But it becomes the fight of his life as he battles to save his land from a strip mining operations and the no-holds-barred tactics of the evil coal corporation. This legal thriller ends in a courtroom battle royal with a first year lawyer up against 20 big coal lawyers.
6. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf. A young couple invited to dinner wondera why the casserole tastes funny. They suspect that their hosts may be serial killers, and it is up to them to discover what’s really in the basement. Can they get out alive? Will any reader be sad if the ugly, rude hosts are actually killed? Reader’s will enjoy this extremely satisfying ending.
7. Catcher in the Rye. People mocked Holden Caulfield’s love of fencing until terrorists took over the subway car. Only Caulfield with a few swords from his high school fencing team and his perfected execution of the Advance-Lunge can set them free. But are they really terrorists? Holden instantly spots they are a big bunch of phonies. Before it’s too late, can he save the subway train and untangle their plot to corner the rye commodities market?
8. Death of a Salesman. Sales are down, but that’s because something is happening to the customers. Willy Loman realizes that some alien force is possessing customers and preventing them from buying. The Loman family bands together to fight against this alien invasion and set the people of planet earth free. A feel-good family action and adventure containing sponsored product endorsements.
9. Dr. Faust. Faust enters into a cell phone contract that seems unbreakable until he finds an alcoholic, lawyer that everyone else has given up on. Together they take on the entire cell phone industry to unlock contracts and phones everywhere, but the cell phone providers are planning on dropping more than just his calls. Can they beat this giant monolithic corporation before the release of the new iPhone?
10. The Divine Comedy: Dante’s Inferno. A group of smart kids fall into a video game and figure out that only by working together can they make it to each level until two of the kid’s find their true father. Wait, that’s the plot of Spy Kids 3: Game Over. Or is that the plot of Tron Legacy? Doesn’t matter. This version plans to bigger, bolder with even more explosions.